"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change; courage
to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference."
I had a great heart to heart with Emery, my five year old, soon to be six. Her good friend Alanna just moved away today, and her heart was kind of hurting. During the goodbyes she stayed mainly silent, gave a few hugs and said goodbye. Alanna cried and showed her emotions, but Emery acted, well sort of embarrassed by it all. I watched her the rest of the day and evening and at bed time she came downstairs into my bed and crawled in it. She, you see, is a lot like her momma. We put on that strong front around people we feel are vulnerable, or need someone to stay strong in their life. When we are alone, we are left to struggle with our emotions. She started to ask questions, and let me know what was on her heart.
Let me tell you, I am NO expert on explaining change to a five year old, nor to a fifty-five year old! I most definatly struggled for words at time during our conversation. But, it made me realize a few things and heal my own heart in a way.
I reflected on my life, and where I would be if I didn't accept the changes in my life. If I held on to the past, and not the future. I have had some pretty monumental changes in my life. My life changed after I moved from my parents house out on my own. My life changed after I got pregnant with BayLeigh. My life changed when I married a deploying Marine. Mly life changed when I had a baby while my husband was in Iraq. My life changed when I uprooted everything I knew and moved to California. Life changed again when he came back and this small family of two was now three, and I had another parent to rely on for our daughter. My life changed when three became four and we were struggling financially. My life changed when Joe deployed again, and I had two to take care of. My life changed when we moved on base housing and I met a whole new circle of friends. My life changed when my friend and neighbor lost her husband to the War on Terror. My life changed when we said our goodbyes, and left the gates of Twentynine Palms one last time, no longer Marine and Marine Corps wife, but former. *Pause*
I took that moment. That painful yet exciting, gutwrenching, heart beating quickly, moment in my life. I tried to explain it to her. I explained how God brings change into our life to make us who we are. One day she'll remember this day, this feeling, this experience and be able to either help another through it, or she'll see why it needed to happen to make her who she is. I explained how moving effected our family, allowing growth, and new experiences and opportunities. We had to say goodbye to so many friends who became the family we didn't have out there. Friends who we shared SO many memories and holidays with. Friends who became so close it still brings me to tears writing this post. We said goodbye, and let go... and now I see what it made room for. All the things that came from that move back here. We are in an amazing church now, all because of the daycare our children started to attend HERE. We have great relationships with our family, because we are HERE. We have wonderful friendships that wouldn't have occured if we were still there. We have so many things that came with this fork in the road, this option, this change that we have so much to be thankful for in the wake of sadness. God might close a door on something in life. He may say no, or not yet because He has something better in store. God loves us each individually. We are His children! I love my child, and hurt for her through this, but I know God is smiling down and saying there is so much more that will come from this!
Joshua 1:9 "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged. For the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."
No comments:
Post a Comment